thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


Communication is a good thing

A REALLY good weekend with C. We talked. Yay! She knows now, and she knew before, that I'm not promising her anything more than what we have now. I said, I don't want to give up with we have now, and she said, you don't have to. I said, but I don't want to promise you anything more that this. And she seemed ok with that. She didn't cry. YAY!! She told me that she'd been not talking about feelings herself because it seems that everytime she talks about "someday" that I say something that leads her to believe there isn't a "someday" for us like she imagines it. Which is true. So we just don't talk about it.

What we have now is good. She agrees.

We played a game that she bought called, Speak Love Make Love. It's a game to encourage communication, and it did a great job. We talked about how we feel for each other in the course of the game, and there were physical expressions of those feelings, of our passion, too. It was fun. We drank a bottle of wine with the game. Then when we were done with the game, or when we ended up naked in the bedroom and decided not to play THAT game anymore, then we played our OWN game. ;) And that was good too.

It's been too long. Not just for the sex, but for the communication, for the connection. I feel like we connected, like we communicated, in a way that we haven't since this whole "cancer thing" started.

As part of our talking, I shared that not only is it hard to talk about my feelings, but it's hard to talk about talking about them. It's scary. Because I didn't know what her reaction to what I was saying would be. But I just had to plunge in, and I did.

Of course, having a glass of wine helped with that plunge. Just loosened the hinges a little bit. The hinges on the top of the box of feelings that I keep shut all the time, mostly. You know the one I'm talking about.

I"m thinking about looking for one of those books or a game or something that will help us keep talking. Not exactly sure what it is. Like "1001 Things to Think About" except for couples and relationship oriented. I might have to go looking online.


I released the rest of my books down there yesterday at a used bookstore, and only (hah!) ended up with 4 books that I didn't have before to take home with me. One of them, however, is a book of horror short stories, with not one, not two, but THREE Stephen King stories that I had never read before. I was SOOOOO excited when I saw them in it! I just about had a little coronary there in the store. ;) C just rolled her eyes at me. :)


And I may be in the market for a used Honda, newer than my 10 year old 160,000 mile Civic, because when it's this hot out (94) and I'm driving 70+ mph with the a/c on, it starts overheating. Which is distressing. It had never done that before I got the radiator flushed at Jibby Lufe 6 weeks ago. It's a really good car, and it pains me to even think about trading it, BUT. If I'm going to be driving 100 miles there and 100 miles back every other week, in summer, I need something that I can have the a/c on in. Today I had to drive back with the windows down. And to keep it from overheating, I have to turn the heat on. Which, when it's 94 out, doesn't make that much difference. Turned out that turning the heat on and the fan OFF bled the heat from the engine but didn't bring it into the car. So I wasn't DYING, but it would have been really REALLY nice to be in the a/c on the way home.

So. That's my weekend. :)

8:31 p.m. - 2002-06-02


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