thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


it's time......

Ok, this is kind of freaky. I think I've found a personal ad at bondage dot com for someone that I work with!!!! Someone who I like, as a friend, but have never had even a suspicion that he might be into BDSM. And when I created my profile there, and filled out all the likes/dislikes checklists, we are 89% compatible, based on what he likes and what I like.

I saw a couple other ads that I marked, because they sounded interesting, before I did my profile, and my compatibility with those 2 other people is in the 65-75% range. Not nearly as high.

While I was filling out the profile, D asked me what I was doing, and I told him what I was doing, filling out my profile on bondage dot com. He didn't ask any questions. He didn't start a discussion. He didn't seem to display ANY interest at all. I know his tendency is to go away and think about it for a while, but I wish it weren't, I wish he would initiate discussions sometimes, I wish it didn't always have to be my job to start talking about stuff that we need to talk about.

But I do think it's time to talk about what's going on with me, and with him. And what's NOT going on with us. Did I mention that he now sleeps downstairs in the guest room? Since he came back from visiting NS in January, he slept with me one night, and that kept me up, and he hasn't slept with me since then. But have we talked about that fact? No we have not. It just is.

And I'm talking about SLEEPING in the same bed, I'm NOT talking about sex. We haven't had sex for over 4 years. Not since before I met C, and that was 3.5 years ago.

So I think it's time for a discussion of what needs to be, going forward. He's got NS, and I've got nobody. He doesn't seem to be into the dom/sub stuff anymore (NS doesn't play that game as far as I know) and I want that back in my life. I want someone relatively close by, that I can see occasionally, on a fairly casual basis. A play partner, if you will. And, if this guy is interested in me that way, that might work out really well. D has met him a couple years ago and liked him, so he would be a known and trusted quantity.

And since I'm just now starting to look, it's not like I've been lying to him about it and then springing a done-deal on him. He hates that. All of that.

Anyway, that's probably what I'll be doing the rest of the weekend, except if I chicken out and we don't talk about it. But I think we need to. It's time.

5:31 p.m. - 2005-04-02


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