thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


some thoughts from yesterday

Another boring day yesterday at work, EXCEPT that I got to have a long conversation on the phone with RF. Of course, since I was at work, and non-private, he did most of the talking. Which was good, I learned a lot about him. What kinds of things he would expect from me. Lots to think about. To the point where I even left work at 4:30, and went and sat in the car in the park and just thought about them. And made some notes. Which probably won't make any sense to you, but I'm putting them in here for me.

Aloof but close - like a father or uncle?
form follows function - what you or I do creates what you are or what I am
Sir breeds respect
questions are allowed but he has the final say, always
good girls don't swear
politeness is valued above all
there are no wrong answers, just true answers

what is my reward? what's in it for me? what's in it for him? pride in being with me?
if his reward is being proud to be with me, is my reward having him be proud of me?
something seems like he's setting me up to fail, so I can be punished. is it possible to do EVERYTHNING right?
are the requests/demands unreasonable?
I don't know enough yet to know if I want this, but I know I want to find out.
I want to try.
I want to really try.
I want to know if I have the strength to be the girl he's proud to walk with.

honesty and respect and openness
strength and desire and willingness.

And after talking on the phone for over an hour yesterday, we also chatted online for over an hour. Of course, online, I was also chatting with LB, the coastal guy. Who is sweet. And, if RF wasn't around, I would probably be a LOT more interested in following up on, even though he's not local.

I hope to have lots of thinking time while I'm in California.

6:44 a.m. - 2005-04-13


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