thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


moving on

Yesterday morning, I told LB it wasn't going to happen between us, in email, and then blocked him in messenger everywhere on every account. He was just getting too needy, and taking up too much time. And with him being 3 hours away, it just wasn't going to happen. I said, "I've been honest with you from the start, which is why I am telling you this now. You and I just aren't going to happen. You're too far away. I need to focus on my life and my possibilities here, and, because my time is limited, there's not time enough for you too. I need to take care of myself first, and look after my own needs. I'm sorry, but that's how it has to be." His eventual response, after emailing me his work address (why?) and asking for his other messenger ID to be added, was this: "Have a good life darling sorry if you had to say that bye."

Apparently he thinks that RF -told- me to send him away. That wasn't it at all, as you know. I haven't even told RF that I did it yet.

Anyway, last night I spent a couple hours in the counting house, paying bills and moving money around. Because that's what I do on payday. And wasn't interrupted by anyone, which was nice. RF, who has been working a lot, took the night off. He told me this yesterday at work in chat. He was planning on steaks, a glass of wine and relaxing on the deck. He didn't say, but I imagine he also had a nice cigar. He doesn't smoke cigarettes (yay!!!!!!) but has an occasional cigar, which is cool.

He'll be out of town on Tuesday and Wednesday. Texas I think. Not sure exactly. Doesn't really matter to me anyway.

RF has issues with my eventual living situation, with D and NS, and NS moving in with us for a while in June, till she gets a job and a place of her own. He feels like it's somewhat abusive to me, and he has real issues with someone (D) who would treat me like that. He said he -thinks- he'll be able to get past that, but that I'll never convince him its easy or comfy or safe, for me.

I talked to my friend JG at work on Thursday, after RF disclosed this on Wednesday night, told her the future situation, the current situation, that there was someone who had these issues that I really wanted to have a relationship with, and asked her if she thought that my living situation would prevent her, or someone, from wanting to be my friend. (I didn't go into any details of this possible relationship with her) She thought that anyone who would let my situation keep them from being my friend, as long as I was ok with it, wasn't really a friend to begin with.

So, I really REALLY hope that he can get past his issues. I certainly understand that he's concerned for my emotional wellbeing when it all happens, but the fact is, right now, I'm ok with it. And if I'm ok with it, then that should be enough for him to be ok with it. He thinks I'm in denial. How can I refute that? "You're in denial." "NO I'm NOT!!!" Yeah, that's effective.

He said he will have to cool off about it before he can be civil enough to D to meet him, and until that happens, the meet and greet face to face D and RF, then RF and I won't be able to do any playing. So, everyone send cooling off thoughts to him, ok? Thanks.

Today is the Island Building Day. We bought this kitchen island before I went to San Francisco. We had to get a replacement piece for the back panel, but that came on Thursday, so we should be ready to build it today. Wish us luck!

Also on the schedule for today or tomorrow: clipping dog and cat nails, epiladying my legs on the deck, vacuuming (yuk!), picking up prednisone at the vet for the dog, sending $10 to NS for the (hopefully) winning MegaMillions lottery tickets she bought for us so we can live the life to which we would like to become accustomed, reading (yay!) and perhaps a nap tomorrow afternoon. Yes, it's an exciting life.

6:58 a.m. - 2005-04-23


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