thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


4 things, now in order

Thing 1. Last night at bedtime, I couldn't find the kitten collar. I looked everywhere, under the bed, behind the headboard, I even had D helping me look, which was kind of a little uncomfortable because he didn't know about it, but he was ok with it, and I don't know why I was hesitant to tell him about it anyway. But so we searched for it, and then I thought, maybe I put it in the drawer under the bed with the other things that were on the chair that I wouldn't want to have to explain to a 9 year old. And there it was. Safe and sound. Not lost after all. Merely misplaced for a time.

Thing 2. When I couldn't find it, one of the things that I thought of where it might be, was that Ed had taken it with him without telling me.

Thing 3. After I was in bed, with it on, I found a couple of tears in my eyes. Of relief, I think, and a reaction to the thought (as stupid and unwarranted as it might have been) that he might have taken it with him.

Thing 4. Chatting with Ed today in yahoo and he messed up and put something in my window which he really meant for someone else. He said, no drugs I'd rather I be your only drug. That freaked me out. Because it sounded like something he would say to someone else, someone who might take my place. But it turned out to be his sister who was having a bad day.

1+2+3+4=Insecurity Issues. When things are going this well, I start waiting for the other shoe to drop. The rug to be pulled out from under me.

And so, instead of thinking about that, trying to figure it out, what do I do? Go online to and and busy myself with an unnecessary project of making a list of all the books that I've read so far this year. How UNimportant is that.

Very. Which is why I'm going to go continue doing it.

There, done. Almost as satisfying as playing with the budget. Or should I say, almost as comforting? Making order out of chaos. Sanity out of insanity. Things are in the right category and column with dates and titles. Sorted by date, to easily add new books to the end of the "finished reading" column. Other categories are waiting to receive, received - to be read, and currently reading.

Life, on the other hand, not quite so readily categorized.

7:42 p.m. - 2005-08-10


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: