thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


5 months of good

So, 5 months ago today, I met Ed for the first time. And after knowing him for just a little while, actually, before we even met in person, while we were still chatting and emailing, I was pretty sure he was what I'd been looking for. But I was scared. Scared that I was projecting what I wanted onto someone else who was willing to accept my projections. Scared that I'd fuck it up somehow. Scared that what I thought I wanted wasn't really what I wanted after all.

And D was, not scared, but concerned, concerned that I was going too fast, that I'd get in too deep and not be able to get out, the way I did with C 4 or more years ago. Concerned that Ed was telling me what I wanted to hear, but not really being all that.

However. After 5 months, it's becoming quite obvious that all of our fear (mine) and concerns (D's) were unjustified. Ed and I have settled down into a nice weekly routine. Just enough of what I want to alleviate the craving, and no more than that. Neither of us wants more than what the other can give (a complaint I had about a girlfriend from WAY back when we lived in WNY). We don't make demands on the other's time, but try to be available if possible.

It just feels right. Like it's what I've been looking for, consciously for a few years, and un/subconsciously for my whole life. There's something about him that fits perfectly into what I am today. Into what I want. Into what I need. Into what was lacking in my life.

He accepts me as I am, loves me as I am, and desires me as I am. And tells me. But not in a smothering manner, more in his actions. He cares for and cherishes me. He calls me his kitten, and other nicknames that make me smile.

We fit. And it makes me very happy.

5:26 p.m. - 2005-10-29


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