thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


better now

I did way too much mousing yesterday, like 7 and a half hours on one task, pretty much uninterrupted. So my right wrist is a little achey. Also achey, but not related to mousing, only to falling, is my right ankle. It doesn't hurt to walk on it now, but it's still a little puffy, although it's going down, and sore on the leg part of my ankle region. D thinks there's some fluid in a pocket by the bone. It still hurts if I turn it the wrong way, so I have to be careful with it.

Sunday was not such a good day, what with the recorder and everything else. I ended up crying in bed... actually, more like wailing and sobbing, and partly it was because I couldn't get D's attention, my beeper didn't work, and he was watching TV so he couldn't hear me pounding on the wall (our other signaling method). Finally JE heard me and went and told D that there were "strange sounds coming from downstairs", and D came down to check it out. I cried, told him what was going on, how I was feeling, what caused it all. He did what he does best for me, held me and shushed me and soothed me. He went and got NS and she got in on the comforting action too.

So then I went to sleep about midnight. Slept in for an hour on Monday morning. Went to work, and after I'd been there about an hour, got an IM from D.... .I need you to come home. N is talking about leaving.

Her standard reaction to something she thinks is caused by her actions, or JE's actions, is to talk about leaving. Which is something that needs to change.

So I came home, and D took JE for a walk with the dogs, and she and I sat in my room and talked, and talked, and cried a little, and I think it's all worked out.

She was raised Catholic, I think, so her learned reaction to something that goes wrong is to blame herself, and her learned (?) solution to a problem is to remove herself from the site of the problem.

I said, if you can't change your guilt reaction, which you probably can't, then maybe you can change your solution. Rather than running away from the problem, stay and try to fix it. Leaving isn't always the answer. Leaving would make more people unhappy than staying.

I told her the only L word I wanted to hear from her was Lesbian, not Leaving. That made her laugh. Which was my intention.

Anyway, therapy today! Yay!!!! And I'm feeling much better. Sometimes bad days just happen.

6:43 a.m. - 2006-01-18


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