thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


obsession.... knowing is half the battle

How many times did I read over my last entry after I posted it? Oh, probably 50. Because I wanted to experience it again, and the words brought it back to life in my mind, and in my body.

Hello. My name is Obsession.

However, I think this weekend break will help me back off from the brink, or the chasm, or the edge. See, George doesn't do much on the computer on the weekend, because he's got 2 boys and he spends time with them. As he should. Being a single parent and all. So I don't begrudge him the weekends with them. It gives me a chance to decompress from the intensity of chatting with him while we're at work (I'm naughty, aren't I?) and meeting him for lunch and the WANTING, my god the WANTING.

Hello. Obsession. Damn glad to meetcha.

I asked MT tonight before dinner, is it a good idea for me to chat with other possible doms, to possibly keep me from obsessing over George? Wanted to know his thoughts. He said, well, it's good not to burn any bridges, but that being said, if you think George is going to be what you want, it's only fair to him not to pursue other interests. So basically, he said, yes, and no. Gosh, thanks for that, Daddy. ;)

Hello. Obsession. Come here often?

He said, obsessing is ok, as long as you KNOW you're doing it, and you can CONTROL it, ride it, turn it into an amusement park ride and enjoy it. Just don't let it turn over and drown you. So, ok, I already knew I was obsessing, and I'm trying to redirect that energy somehow. Like yesterday, instead of just thinking thinking thinking on the drive home, I turned on Bob & Tom. Last night, I was going to go read, but chatted with MT instead, which turned me in a different direction from thinking about George, but instead, we talked about me not telling D that I was going to have lunch with George till last night, after I'd already had lunch with him.

Which, btw, wasn't all that fun, the telling of him. He was sorely disappointed in me. However, I apologized profusely, and didn't promise that I would tell him first, because I thought that promising wouldn't mean much at this point. I just told him that I'd tell him first the next time, and the next time after that, and the next time after that, and so on.

So, after that, I went to bed. Just like I said I was going to, me and my big vibrator and stuff. And the shirt that I wore yesterday which still smelled like George in some places.

However, I -did- wash that shirt today. I -didn't- read over yesterday's entry before starting this one. And after this, I'm going to go read my book.

Hello. Obsession.... get the hell out!

7:32 p.m. - 2005-05-14


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