thatgrrrl's Diaryland Diary


interview, LeeAundra, therapy, near-blowout

This morning at 9 was the interview. It went pretty well, but I'm just not excited about it. I'm not UNhappy where I am now, and, without about an additional $10k/year, it wouldn't be worth the stress of changing jobs. The job is mostly reporting, and all in the finance area, which means it's very cyclical (monthend, quarterend, and yearend cycles) and also it's covered by Sarbanes-Oxley, some new federal or SEC or something or other regulation which, according to the very VERY little bit I know about it, is mostly a major pain in the ass for those companies covered and regulated by it. Because my current company is Swiss owned and not traded on the American stock exchange, we're not covered by it, so I know (and want to know) very little about it.

The lady was very nice, and we had a good interview, but I'm just not excited about it. I don't have the drive to make the change, I really don't. She said they'll be getting back to me after the first of the year, but it wouldn't surprise me at all if I got a thanks anyway letter before that.

I was pretty frank with her, she asked me why I wanted to leave my current job, and I said flat out, I'm kind of on the fence about leaving, but this job sounded interesting enough that I thought I should at least apply, and then at least interview. Was that a smart thing to say? Maybe not, but I also don't want to lie about my desire to leave, to change jobs. If I were really unhappy where I am now, I'm sure I'd have made that perfectly clear, but I'm not.

Most of the time, it's a pretty good job, and the times when it's only so-so aren't that frequent. I have good benefits, I get paid fairly well, I have lots of autonomy and freedom, I'm not governed by network Nazis, I have a very understanding and flexible boss, I like the vast majority of the people I work closely with, and the ones I don't like that much are, mostly, across the Atlantic ocean and I don't have to deal with them, just the fallout from their (IMO) bad decisions.

So, we shall see. But I'm not holding my breath, or really telling anyone else about the interview. The only ones I've told are Ed, MT, and ex-bosslady, and of course D and NS here at home.

In case you missed my comment from the last entry, I got an email back from LeeAundra: "Thanks so much for your sweet note. Jeopardy was quite simply one of the most "fun" things I've ever done (even though it was too, too short!) Glad you had fun watching it!" (swoons) But I'm over her now, pretty much. Although if she were to show up on my doorstep, well, let's just say I'd be totally nervous and probably act stupid. ;)

Had a lovely therapy session today, after lunch, which was after the interview. He made some comment as he was leaving about my Christmas present, but refused to tell me what it was!!! How dare he!!! ;)

For some reason, and I don't think there's really ANY justification for this, but I'm guessing someone (my parents maybe?) is going to give me an iPod of some flavor, and other people are going to give me accessories for same. I really haven't expressed a desire to have one, but maybe after all the fuss a couple weeks ago about the TALKING at work in accounting (we have a temp who is ALWAYS TALKING whether it's to the AR lady or the other temp or just to herSELF) and I even took in a CD of white noise tracks, maybe D thought an iPod would be good for me and suggested it to the parents (who have the money). Mostly, I'm just putting this in here so I can go back after Christmas and say, ha! I knew it, or oh well, guess my powers of precognition are fading.

Had a little bit of a meltdown last night. Background is that I'm about a week out from my period, I was hungry, and I'd had a little pointy headache behind my right ear most of the day yesterday. JE was being contrary, or contradictory, or something, to the point where, when I asked him to stop shaking his fork in the air at the dinner table, and said please, in a very calm voice, and he said, how is what I'm doing bothering you? that was IT. I grabbed my plate and drink and said, never mind! and left the table, left my stuff on the counter, and went down to my room and closed (not quite slammed, but close) the door. Lay face down on the bed, next to the cat, and was mostly successful at not crying. There was a little bit of leakage, but no sobbing. And I only had to blow my nose once.

I expected D to come down and check on me, but then I went up to watch Jeopardy before he came down. He said he was just about to come down when I came upstairs. But I was down there for over half an hour, calming down.

If I hadn't left the room, I would have snapped. Either snapped at JE, yelled at him, or snapped myself, as in broken down crying. Maybe both. Leaving the room was the best choice. D knew I was hungry-grumpy from before, and he also warned NS, and she completely understood. He'd asked me what my level of hunger was at about 5:30, and I said, high enough that JE's always's are REALLY getting on my nerves. He has this bad habit of everything being an absolute. Everything is the best ever or the worst ever, he always has to do something (if he doesn't want to) or he never gets to do something else (if he wants to). There's never any "hardly ever let me" or "almost always have to". It's all or nothing with him. And granted, he's 9, almost 10, and maybe that's just how they are, I don't know. And most days, I can let it slide off my back. But that ONE day a month, with the right combination of factors, PMS, hungry, headachey....... it was more than I could take last night.

Of course, JE's response when I left the room? I have no idea. I'm guessing he had no idea there was anything really wrong. Unless D and NS told him, but I kind of doubt that they did. He's not old enough to understand, really.

I might get to see MT tomorrow afternoon. Ed's going deerhunting so they won't get to meet. Other than that.... not much from here.

2:25 p.m. - 2005-12-13


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